Sorry – the store is closed today because I am ill. Should be open tomorrow, Thursday at the latest, Lord willing. SO, no St. Patrick’s Day specials today. However, I will give you the next best thing: Seven wonderful Irish jokes, courtesy of Kevin Clement of the Hayden Chamber of Commerce. Hope you enjoy these!
NEGOTIATING WITH GOD
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me.If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”
RECRUITING FOR GOD
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
The man said, “I do, Father.”
The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” the man replied.
“Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and asked, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.”
The priest said, “I don’t believe this.You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes.I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”
CATHOLIC CROSSWALK
Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.
The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, “Okay, pedestrians.” Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.
He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, “Pedestrians!” for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, “Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?”
THE NEWS OF MY DEATH
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!”
“Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney.”Where are ye callin’ from?”
WATER TO WINE
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
“Just water,” says the priest.
The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
FIGHT WITH THE WIFE
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.”
“Oh yeah?” said Charlie, “And how did this one end?”
“When it was over,” Mike replied, “She came to me on her hands and knees.”
“Really,” said Charles, “Now that’s a switch! What did she say?”
She said, “Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.”
CAN’T HIDE THE EVIDENCE
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.
He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.
A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.
He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, “You were drunk again last night weren’t you?”
Patton said, “Why you say such a mean thing?”
“Well,” Kathleen said, “it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly…..it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.”
Good news in the Economy 23 March
Monday, March 23rd, 2009IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT RECENT CHANGES TAKING PLACE AT UNIQUE MOTIF – READ YOUR NEWSLETTER! If you need to get on the newsletter list, stop by the store and sign up. We have some big changes to announce – but you will have to read it later if you are not on the list!!!
Last week, I took sick and was not able to continue the “Best of Times” series. This week is more of the same. But, last week, in the newsletter we reminded our customers of several bright spots in our economy they will NOT hear about on the nightly news:
1) Last week, the stock market made strong, sustained gains; rising over 600 points on the DOW. To be sure, the stock market is always a roller coaster ride. But investors are displaying more confidence in the recovery of our economy and are investing again. Just today, the DOW was up another 90 points.
2) The trade deficit plunged in January to the lowest level in six years.
3) AT&T announced it will add over 3000 jobs this year and they are investing 18 billion dollars to enhance their network structures. They must believe this economy is going to recover.
4) According to the “Philanthropy Journal,” the year 2008 set records for charitable giving. Tracking large contributors, they reported there were 16 contributions of 100 million or more that totaled over 8 billion dollars.
5) Salvation Army reported a record 130 million from bell-ringer contributions this Christmas season.
6) Seven small shops in the Greater Hayden shopping area reported record attendance and sales from their Desperate Housewives event. And, on behalf of all of us, we thank you very much, for helping us and helping the local economy.
In our previous newsletters, we have had good news of the economy the news always leaves out – for the past several months. This week, there is MORE GOOD NEWS:
1) Housing sales for February were UP 5.1%!
2) The stock market is rallying again this week.
3) Layoff news has become almost non-existent, except for news of 100 here, 500 there. And the news is settling for American layoff reports instead of reporting world-wide layoffs and giving the impression they are American jobs.
We know from experience, distant and recent, these bailouts and stimulus packages are going to slow our economy down. However, the ingenuity of the American people has always exceeded that of their leaders. And there is no economy that a little hard work cannot cure. So, let’s all get to work . . .
There is good news all around us! Always remember, God watches the sparrow and He cares about you. Don’t live in fear but be thankful for all God has given us!
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